Dr. Swinton says, [In Church culture], divorce is a bit of a taboo issue that many don't know how to deal with, so the result is to avoid.However, avoiding divorced members only adds to their troubles. For example, a number of years ago I showed some important guests around the Family History Library and then the neighboring Museum of Church History and Art, both in Salt Lake City. Elder DallinH. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Divorce, Ensign, May 2007, 71. While others shared what kept them going: I wonder if I would have continued going to church if I [didnt] have children. I worry that discomfort with the situation unnecessarily impacts many from engaging in providing needed support.. With his father serving as asoldier in the war, President Uchtdorf's mother was left alone to transport her four children via a refugee train heading west to Germany during the winter. WebMy Home Donations Temple Appointments Leader and Clerk Resources Missionary Portal Ward Directory and Map Calendar Meetinghouse Locator Notes Patriarchal Blessing All Tools. Church leaders were instructed to read the letter in LDS sacrament meetings. Because of financial concerns and the blow to their ego, some men experience challenges like depression, weight gain, experimenting with alcohol, and becoming less active in the Church. 23. Licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Jonathan Swinton of Salt Lake City, Utah, gives further insight on Latter-day Saint couples that seek counseling: Most respondents said they were active at the time of their divorce: Many continued to attend church after their divorce: Some shared why their participation decreased: The sisters of the ward blamed me for the divorce and told my girls that it was my fault. Given how central the family is in Church doctrine, divorce in the Latter-day Saint community is a sensitive and complicated issue. i was having a discussion with a friend and he said one of the 12 apostles of the LDS church had been divorced, i told him from what i know about t One of the members of a private e-mail group of faithful Latter-day Saints wrote, EVERYTHING that Correlation has produced, since its inception, indicates the Church is running away from polygamy as fast as it can.41, For many active and disaffected members of the Church, certain aspects of Joseph Smiths polygamy have been difficult to understand or accept. There is gospel wisdom in Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way they should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. This gospel principle certainly includes learning about Church history and doctrine. Joseph Walker, Sarandon Calls Pope a Nazi, Maher Calls Mormonism Ridiculous, Deseret News, October 20, 2011, accessed October 21, 2011, https://www.deseret.com/2011/10/20/20224517/sarandon-calls-pope-a-nazi-maher-calls-mormonism-ridiculous. E-mail correspondence between [anonymous] and Craig L. Foster, February 17, 2012. Anyway, to answer the OP: I don't believe any of the quorum of the 12 have gone through a divorce, but the only way i can think that you could confirm it would be to go to the official website of the church, lds.org, and do a search for their biographies, one by one. And not just one isolated no. WebOn their own initiative, some couples separated or divorced as a result of the Manifesto; other husbands stopped cohabiting with all but one of their wives but continued to provide financial and emotional support to all dependents. In many ways, the Fundamentalists are the Latter-day Saints extended and somewhat estranged relatives. Give me messages about strength and faith; help build my testimony., Have activities where all can be involved, regardless of marital status., Comments in classes should always also cover how the topic is relevant to those who are not in the ideal family situation.. Her eyes bugged out, her mouth dropped open, and she asked in a weak voice, Joseph Smith had more than one wife? Afterward, she repeated several times that she was blown away.65. Within each group, frequent church attenders are less likely to have been divorced. Interestingly enough, 5 of the respondents were from England, with at least 3 of them identifying themselves as fundamentalist Mormons. All Rights Reserved, NEW POLICY ANNOUNCED FOR DIVORCED LDS MEN. They just wanted to help., Member friends primarily provided support around the spiritual connection that could not be found with non-members. Children are most likely to adjust successfully to parental divorce when their mother and father are willing to put the happiness and stability of children ahead of their own hurt feelings. As several respondents put it: Why do ward members seem to have such a hard time connecting with divorced members? 61. Some members of the LDS Church have expressed shock and puzzlement that early Church leaders such as Joseph Smith and Brigham Young would lie about plural marriages before the public announcement of the doctrine and practice. An acquaintance of mine, married in the temple 25 years ago, four children and an active member in the LDS church was recently divorced for having an 33. When he was 15 years old, Elder Baxter says he looked back on the challenges his family faced in his younger yearsalcoholism, divorce, povertyall of the things he couldn't change in his past and decided, "I will change the futurefor myself and for the children I will someday have. He currently serves as the Ward Mission Leader of the Annapolis Maryland Ward. This has led to unansweredperhaps even unspokenquestions, as well as hurt feelings, insecurity, and resentment. 63. What applepansy said. . Because of this widespread apostasy, the Lord withdrew the authority of the priesthood from the earth. At the 2011 FAIR Conference, Hudson gave a presentation describing plural marriage as an Abrahamic sacrifice, or an exception to Gods law rather than an eternal principle.52 Her conference presentation, titled A Reconciliation of Polygamy, was based on an earlier article of hers titled Polygamy. Hudson claimed that in the eternities we will have the privilege of living under the law, not the exception to the law.53 She further referred to the belief, which she felt was mostly held by male members of the Church, as nothing more than celestial lust.54 In her article, she also made comments regarding modern Latter-day Saint beliefs about the eternal nature of plural marriage: If cultural misinterpretations cause the women and men of the Church to mourn over polygamy, either because they mistakenly believe that God is indifferent between sacrifice and non-sacrifice and so no escape from this sacrifice will be provided by God or because they are led to believe that they are selfish and not [Page 66]righteous if they feel pain at the thought of polygamy, then these cultural interpretations are actively harming our people. In the Church, we value family relationships so much (rightly so) that many dont know how to deal with divorce because it seems incongruent with the foundation of the Church, which is the family. For more information regarding these post-Manifesto marriages, see Drew Briney, Apostles on Trial: Examining the Membership Trials of Apostles Taylor and Cowley (Salt Lake City: Hindsight Publications, 2012); B. Carmon Hardy, Solemn Covenant: The Mormon Polygamous Passage (Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 1992); and D. Michael Quinn, LDS Church Authority and New Plural Marriages, 18901904, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought 18/1 (Spring 1985): 9105. 52. Ironically, Mary Elizabeth Rollins, who was mentioned above, was 16 when she married Adam Lightner, and yet critics have not condemned Lightner for marrying a teenager when he was 25. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. With simple explanations, children become aware of this aspect of Church history without being overly burdened by all of the complexities. Our teenage youth need to know about plural marriage, including the fact that Joseph Smith, by commandment of God, introduced the doctrine and practice of the plurality of wives. When children spend most of their time with their mother, it is easy for the father to feel like he has become a visitor to his own children. 51. I believe there is a strong case that he once was, and my conclusion comes from Pauls words in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9. Because of plural marriages inherent sexual implications, it is natural there would be some discomfort and embarrassment. Hales expands this argument about Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages in his three volume work titled, Joseph Smiths Polygamy (Salt Lake City, Utah: Greg Kofford Books, 2013). Even more disturbing for these members is the possibility that they have been lied to by modern Church leaders. I will examine examples of members expression of discomfort over a polygamous heritage and conclude with suggestions of possible pathways to reconciliation. Another shared a similar experience: They stopped inviting me to every activity, shopping trip, dinners, everything. In a 2012 e-mail discussion between fellow Latter-day Saints about Joseph Smith and polyandry, one member wrote, There really is a chance that these married women might have been just as interested in the prurient side of this as Joseph Smith.61 [Page 68]Another later agreed that polyandry, no matter how you try to present it, is weird. "We always talk about fathers blessing their children and performing the ordinances, and those are wonderful experiences. 60. Valerie Hudson, A Reconciliation of Polygamy, presentation at the 2011 FAIR Conference, notes in possession of author. 45. Yet when he observed Elder Scott and his wife, he noticed they seemed to have a sense of peace that he did not. The survey on plural marriage was titled Your Feelings About Plural Marriage and was conducted at SurveyMonkey, located at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/GQZSTGR between September 16 and October 20, 2011. 42. E-mail correspondence, August 11, 2011. The reasons for a divorce were many and varied. Since few anticipate plural marriages return, and even fewer hope for it, the estranged partners are not getting back together. 57. Latter-day Saints should remember that while there are certainly non-members who want to attack, criticize, or simply make fun of the Churchs polygamous past, there are many who are genuinely curious and who mean neither harm nor insult. It is not my place to advise Church leaders on how to handle this problem and, therefore, these suggestions should be seen as suchsimple suggestions that might help. Many survey respondents noted that they felt most accepted and supported by nonmembers because they were not judgmental and there is less of a stigma around divorce in the outside world. As the children grew in age and understanding, we would explain a little more so that by the time they were teenagers, they had a broad familiarity with Mormon polygamy as a historical reality. The Church should probably highlight the differences when needed and otherwise ignore Fundamentalist groups like the FLDS as much as possible. .I apologize. I never expected it, but it happened, and I accept it. At the time, Hudson suggested some Mormon men had celestial lust. She compared these men to the young Muslim suicide bombers who killed themselves and others expecting to be rewarded with 72 virgins in the hereafter. Gordon B. Hinckley, What Are People Asking About Us? Ensign (November 1998): 70. Nevertheless, with reactivation success, there will always be a need to teach adult members about the Churchs polygamous past. Jeffs, in a way, is practicing what Joseph practiced. Another example of anti-Mormon accusations of adulterous polyandry can be found at LDSFreedom.org, Polyandry & Joseph Smith, accessed October 12, 2011, http://www.ldsfreedom.org/node/7. It is not part of my testimony of the Church.49 Another respondent referred to the idea that plural marriage would extend into the eternities as nothing more than folk belief, which is very distressing, especially to women of faith, and many individuals of LDS background have left the Church over this and similar issues.50, In July 2011, Mormon author and blogger Jana Riess wrote about an e-mail she had received from a former Latter-day Saint woman who had eventually left the Church over several issues, including the persistence of polygamous theology among Mormons. Riess went on to explain, As for individual belief, Ive occasionally heard it taught from the pulpit (and Relief Societys lace-draped table) that heaven will be polygamous. Yet continuing Church activity exposes us to correct principles and surrounds us with caring people. Ok, just confirmed. : Latter-day Saint Ambivalence over Its Polygamous Past, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 88, and Lesson 31: Sealed . The Church has done a good job of differentiating itself from its Fundamentalist relatives, particularly with renegade groups like the FLDS, who have exemplified the fact that while there are similarities, there are many more differences. Only 13 percent of LDS couples have divorced after five years of marriage, compared with 20 percent for religiously homogamist unions among Catholics and The commencement and particularly the end of plural marriage [Page 69]were fitful and certainly painful for those involved. DallinH. Oaks, Divorce, Ensign, May 2007, 70. We know that some look back on their divorces with regret at their own partial or predominant fault in the breakup. Interpretation 2 seems to be the strongest, primarily because Scripture allows for divorce in exceptional circumstances (Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:1216). In contrast, Craig L. Foster, David Keller, and Gregory L. Smith use both history and a statistical review of Mormon and non-Mormon marriage practices in Illinois and neighboring Iowa to demonstrate that marriage to teenage women was not uncommon for the place and time in which Joseph Smith lived, nor was it considered pedophilia: The Age of Joseph Smiths Plural Wives in Social and Demographic Context, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 15283. The author would like to thank Suzanne L. Foster, Brian C. Hales, Laura Hales, and Gregory L. Smith for their help with this paper. One convert, who joined at age 24, wasnt told about the Churchs polygamist past until after he was baptized. Unfortunately, she was not alone in being shocked to learn Joseph Smith had plural wives. There is more of a stigma associated with it. You'll also like: What (and What Not) to Say to the Recently Divorced, Dr. Swinton agrees. FHE Object Lesson: Treasure Transformation, Remembering President Boyd K. Packer (19242015). Indeed, in the minds of [Page 75]many people, 19th-century Mormon polygamy defines western polygamy.69 Accepting that the twain are inseparable does not mean the Church must acquiesce to the negative stereotyping used by its critics. 2. EIN: 46-0869962. "He responded lovingly but firmly each time I pestered him: 'David, I am not going to join the Church for your mother, for you, or for anyone else. 67. His mother also remarried and was sealed in the London England Temple. I remember a fifth or sixth grade classmate who came to my central California elementary school and said, Youre a Mormon, right? I answered in the affirmative, and he then announced, My father says Mormons can have more than one wife. Elder Oaks's mother worked hard for her family and cultivated that same work ethic in her children. 38. Webwesterly kitchen discount code have any lds apostles been divorced But this experience also had a profound effect on Elder Cook and "any doubts he had were swept away forever.". E-mail correspondence between [anonymous] and Craig L. Foster, August 14, 2011. Copy in authors possession. Elder Baxter says his mother was "happy, content, and fulfilled until overtaken by mortality" during her marriage for nearly 25 years until she passed away.